Breathing through your nose is supposed to rejuvenate the body and maybe even straighten crooked teeth. I read this in a book, the kind my wife would have scoffed at. I see my dentist twice a year, not including return visits to fix cavities, which means I’ve gone for ten check-ups since my wife died. Every other visit, so about five times so far, the hygienist asks me how long it’s been since she passed. I don’t blame her for not remembering. She must see a thousand mouths between my visits. We don’t measure absence in the same way.
Who gets cavities in their fifties? It’s all the chocolate cookies. I eat two every evening with Greek vanilla yogurt and blackberries whose seeds get stuck in my teeth. The routine is comforting, but all the sweetness might be eating away at my fillings. I’ve read that soft food weakens the gums. I need my wife’s couscous, to bite into the spicy merguez that took my breath away.
When I broke a tooth just before Christmas, there was no pain but I could feel an empty space. My dentist had already left for Hannukah so I got another one from the same office. He spoke with a French accent more pronounced than my wife’s. She was nomadic, hard to pin down, her voice a shakshuka of Tunisia, France, Israel and Quebec.
Unlike my regular dentist, the temporary one played music over the PA. As he drilled into my tooth, he sang along to Cheek to Cheek through his mask. It was a temporary fix, he told me, until my regular dentist could see me. It might last or it might break. I wonder if he ever saw my wife. I hope not. Her illness made it difficult for her to brush and floss, and the meds gave her dry mouth. She needed permanent solutions.
The temporary dentist saw signs that I grind my teeth at night. Maybe my jaw has been rebelling against the tape on my lips. Perhaps I should breathe through my mouth after all, exhale the toxins, the scraps of half-remembered songs, the undigested emptiness.
Based in Montreal, Mark Foss is the author of two novels and a collection of short stories. His CNF has also appeared in Star 82 Review, Hobart, JMWW, and elsewhere. He is the co-editor of The Book of Judith (New Village Press, 2022), an homage to the life of poet, writer, and teaching artist Judith Tannenbaum and her impact on incarcerated and marginalized students. Visit him at http://www.markfoss.ca.
Lost Balloon 